🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?